Structuring Chaotic Minds

Mother-Daughter Navigating Life's Obstacles with Humor and Heart

• Alyssa Freeney • Season 2 • Episode 5

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Embark on a transformative odyssey with me, Melissa Franklin, and my daughter Alyssa Freeney, as we navigate the turbulent waters of the 75 Hard Challenge. Our latest episode isn't just a recount of triumphs and slips (like that unexpected cookie); it's an intimate tapestry woven from our day-to-day struggles and successes. We peel back the layers of our journey, revealing how the discipline born from this stringent regimen unexpectedly morphed our energy and satiety. Through laughter and vulnerability, we uncover the underrated power of community as it becomes our lighthouse amidst the foggy challenge of mental and physical resilience.

Life's like riding a bike—sometimes you're the wobbly kid with training wheels, and other times you're soaring down the street, wind in your hair, full of grace and confidence. In this heart-to-heart, Alyssa and I explore this growth, from the thrill of new clothes fitting just right to the empowerment found in a guilt-free taco. We confront our innate excuses for dodging healthy choices, all while celebrating the collective pursuit of a higher standard within our communities. These candid reflections not only illuminate the subtle influences of our diets on our mental health but also highlight the importance of nurturing our well-being to enact change beyond ourselves.

Climbing the mountain of personal and professional success is more than reaching the summit; it's about the resilience developed on the ascent and the wisdom gained with each step. We share tales from the trenches of single parenting and the front lines of educational leadership, inviting you to walk beside us as we tackle self-sabotage and past traumas that often cling to our psyche like shadows. As we close, we consider how life's hardships, from health to financial hurdles, are not just obstacles but opportunities to forge an inner steeliness. Join us and discover how adjusting even the simplest habits, like hydrating more, can be the cornerstone of a life built on overcoming challenges and unwavering resilience.


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Melissa:

Welcome back to Structuring Chaotic Minds, the podcast where we dive into the complexities of balancing life and mental wellness. I'm your host, melissa Brinkman, a leadership and personal development coach dedicated to reshaping how we think about mental health and shedding light on the real stories that often go unheard. Today, we're not just talking about the usual topics. We're getting into something a little bit more personal and real about the challenges and triumphs of mental and physical resilience. Joining me today is a very special guest, my daughter Elisafrini. Together, we embarked on the 75 Hard Challenge, a journey that has been pushing us to our limits and teaching us invaluable lessons about what we truly are capable of. So, whether you're a longtime listener or just tuning in for the fresh time, grab your water bottle, lace up those sneakers and let's get ready to explore how pushing your limits can lead to real growth in both the body and mind. Let's dive in Well. Welcome back, alyssa. How are you today, honey? I'm good.

Melissa:

Glad to be on here again for the second episode, like we promised, Well, we both jumped into the 75 Hard Challenge together and when we started, was it exactly what you expected or was it harder? Can you go ahead and chat about that for everybody?

Alyssa:

Not gonna lie to you, it was a lot harder than I thought it was, because the first day I had already messed up I ate a cookie by accident and I was like, dang, I can't have sugar. And I was like I'm asking if I can have this cookie but I just completely just slipped my mind that no, you're not supposed to be having sugar and you just ruined it.

Melissa:

Great thing you're on the first day and not like the very beginning, but I have to say it's a challenge. I think it's funny because it's not necessarily something that, um, we think of at most times when it's like oh my goodness, I messed it up, I gotta start all over. It's different when it's like I know what I'm supposed to do and I just didn't do it. But it's a lot different when it's like I know what I'm supposed to do and I just didn't do it. But it's a lot different when it's just an innocent like oh man, I bought it, I bit into a cookie because you're not used to thinking about diet, you're not used to thinking about those things. So, thinking about diet and thinking about the exercising more purposefully, I guess, like for you, how is that different? Especially like biting into that cookie and then realizing I messed up.

Alyssa:

I can like say first of all, like physically it feels different, even though you're like it's been a day. How different does it feel, like that water?

Alyssa:

water that water intake is crazy. It's like, wow, I actually feel clean. You know, like I have more energy, because I realize that a lot of foods that I eat makes me tired near the end of the day. Because I'm like, yeah, we eat all this stuff. Yeah, I have a lot of energy. I don't need to eat as much because I'm full off of water, as weird as that sounds. Yeah, I get that it's a lot to eat.

Melissa:

The dieting has definitely been easier than the normal eating habits, only because of the added water. Oh, I'm used to drinking a lot of water because I always have a beverage in my hand. You know that there's six or seven of them, right, I have to have my caffeine, I have to have my water, I have to have my cold drink, I have to have my cold drink, I have to have my hot drink, I have it all. So I mean it's a lot. But I think the challenge isn't necessarily more about oh, it's going to fix me. It's more about the different aspects and different areas, and I think we've definitely noticed that in the group that we're in, especially the conversations. They've just been super enlightening. What have you noticed about the conversations, as they're starting to talk about like motivation and resilience and then how it relates to topics that we have like at home and how we talk about them and such well, what I've noticed is like they're still kind of like joking in a way, but also serious.

Alyssa:

It's like hey, uh, I'm going through this. So like what I've noticed is like people in that community try again. So what I've noticed is that people in that community they hold themselves like accountable in a way, but everybody has their different ways of holding themselves accountable. I remember reading this um one guy's post and he was like everybody has a different version of cheat day or whatever. So like a cheat meal is different and somebody might pick like a soft sandwich over a salad or like anything else, rather than what you would think is like unhealthy versus healthy.

Alyssa:

And like how they motivate each other is like hey, you're doing a walk instead of a whole mile run. I did a mile run, but at least you're doing something, so that's good. In a mile run, but at least you're doing something, so that's good. And I think when we go into like our own family thing, like we have our own versions of motivating each other, like we're not all on the same you know motivation rate, but we all get to be like together in our own way, and I think like seeing that in other community other than my home it's like okay, so everybody else is capable of being on the same page, just on different lanes, if that makes any sense yeah, you don't really even have to know someone rather than to connect with them and go through a process and something with them to be able to just build that connection and be able to have that sense of camaraderie.

Melissa:

Yeah, so thinking about I mean, for me thinking about all of it is more the motivation versus the resilience part, and I've seen a lot of conversations that kind of say like super easy, the first couple days gets a lot harder. On day 27 57 whatever and it's different for me because I totally agree and resonate with that on so many levels, because at one point I mean I've done these type of challenges so many times.

Melissa:

Let's be realistic and it's up and down, but it's more because of my mental health affects habits from time to time, like I will be like a creature of habit for months at a time and then I will go off the rail. So that definitely impacts the health, the fitness, everything. But the thing that's changed for me over the years as I've continued coaching people or as I've continued just focusing on challenges and building my own mental strength and, like that, resilience. I get excited about these challenges the deeper I get in instead of at the beginning. At the beginning I'm like because I already know I have to change and I don't wanna. Okay, but that's the thing, that's the coolest part about it. You can be in the area where it's a reminder of okay, cool. Why don't you want to change realistically? I love tacos. I love tacos. Sweet tacos are the best. I don't really love being in the restroom after. But why do we do that to ourselves?

Melissa:

instant gratification that's what it is. But then, really thinking about it too, when I was at my best with fitness, it also didn't kill my stomach if I had one or two tacos. Supposed to five, yeah, and it's about moderation. But it's about those habits and really.

Melissa:

And then some people will say it's about those habits and then some people will say it's okay, treat yourself. Should we really? Should we really make the excuse to ourselves that it's okay, let it go, just because we want to be excessive? We live in that kind of society that allows us to make excuses for ourselves, and that's the thing that really stands out for me in these challenges. When we talk about topics of motivation and resilience, it's like, yep, we get super excited, let's go. And I'm like, oh hell, no, because I think at this point I'm reading this book right now, and it's funny that all this is happening is the book is called the Mountain, is you? And I'm rereading it and it's exciting because it's like, yeah, you're not wrong. Oh man, that means I'm the problem. Oh, they gotta do the work. Let's go and do the work. I don't want to do the work you're like.

Alyssa:

The only one you gotta blame is yourself exactly so.

Melissa:

We do these sorts of challenges or these type of things. Trust me, I get. I know everybody else gets all hyped up at the beginning. I don't anymore, I really don't. I like to pump up other people, but I don't get as excited at the beginning rather than more excited like yeah, I'm finally getting my stuff done and I have more energy, but I'm not really motivated to do it. I'm just more like people watching, gotta finish, people watching, gotta finish. So there's the accountability factor. Now I already know in about halfway through, when everybody else is like screw this, I want my taco, and be like oh no, I'm actually enjoying. I get to wake up earlier and like, as dorky as it sounds, I get that, I'm gonna be looking forward to that part.

Alyssa:

Can you see that difference? Yeah, I think even for me. So, how you said, it's probably easier for you to start in the beginning. For me it's polar opposite.

Melissa:

I get it and I understand that, because I've been there and I'm not being like, oh my God, I'm awesome. No, because I go up and down those dang roller coasters.

Alyssa:

But that's kind of like the resilience part yeah, I also like these challenges because, like I said, it's hard for me to start in the beginning because I already have that reflection and, like the first day, it's like, hey, you have to measure what you're eating.

Melissa:

I was like measure what I'm eating, I realized you need a lot of diet you're just supposed to stick to diet and be conscious of it, and I think that's the biggest thing. And the word diet is annoying sometimes because really it should be like a lifestyle change and it should, but that's why it's different.

Melissa:

I was like I'll stay away from those conversations it's fine, but I gotta be realistic with myself that when I'm not eating correctly, I don't feel as good, and then when I don't feel as good, and then when I don't feel as good, I don't have the energy to do all that stuff. When I'm doing what I'm supposed to and you're like man girl, you do a lot.

Alyssa:

Well, yeah, because I have energy to do it now and, yep, I was up at 4 30.

Melissa:

Yep, I did go to workout. Yep, I'm drinking a lot of water, people making fun of me carrying around my jug and everything like yeah, yeah, okay, cool, but I'm able to do things in a lifestyle that people still can't even believe because they can't comprehend it, and it's different. I'm able to have a flexibility to my life that enjoys me the freedoms to be able to relax and then also the freedoms to be able to still go build at the level and the rate I want to now, and it's really cool because I can play around with those things. But a lot of it had to do with consistency and building that. So for me the part, the motivation comes more further in once I've done the work.

Alyssa:

I get you. I think that, yeah, I could feel that, because I remember when I was doing one of these challenges with you two and at first I was like I don't want to do it, but the more like okay, since I was taking a bike case, exactly, you're not wrong, because now I'm like I breathe, I know how to breathe now, and I was like you don't look all nerdy when you're ready. So like, even though I have a little bit more grace, a little bit of grace, and like it's a flow, like a little deer.

Melissa:

I feel like you're a duck maybe like a horse now, I don't know, but a trot a trot, we'll say a hans trot.

Alyssa:

The audience doesn't know who on is our little dog, our little show dog, who is very excited, but I I do have to say like it was getting past the uncomfortable to start feeling comfortable, if that makes any sense.

Melissa:

And that takes me to a topic. I was in the car driving home today and I was thinking to myself like, oh man, the one thing that always stood out in my classroom is it became unpopular to be the bad kid. It became unpopular to be the troublemaker. To be the bad kid, it became unpopular to be the troublemaker. And even the troublemakers that I had that like joke around and still call me and like how are you doing this? Like okay, cool, but even they knew at one point or another.

Melissa:

We're all looking at you like dude, we're trying to figure out this equation. It's got decibels and subtractions, so unless you got some answers, can you just sit down? Yeah, everybody would get to that point, but it's because it it was understood like kind of messing it up. Are you going to do your part? And it trickles that when you deliver excellence or when you set the bar high, you're you become the annoying one when you don't do it. But when you set the bar low, you become the annoying one. When you're trying to raise the bar for everybody, like who you think you are, why you gotta make us work hard. What's happening here? And it's interesting because the reality is, when we level ourselves up, we naturally become better at quite a bit of things yeah.

Melissa:

I'm super excited like, hey, my clothes are just a bit different and that's exciting, but yes, I'm gonna be able to eat the tacos and not feel bad about it. But at the same time I know I have more energy when my fitness is at its peak. And I think the coolest part about the challenges is just more the mind and like evaluating or looking at it as a mirror through the process.

Alyssa:

Like dang, I really used to think like that whoa, that makes sense why I gained 40 pounds, like yeah, you're like, you're saying that stuck, and like it's not even a conscious stuck and more of a subconscious because of what you're already putting in your body, your environment. Yeah, and you're like, the more the stuff that you eat affects your mood, it affects how, like you know, the exercise you do, it affects your immune systems and you know, if you're sick, everybody's in a crappy mood when they're sick. So if you stay sick or if your mind stays in a fog, you're never gonna fully be positive and you'll keep on those 40 pounds if you're like, oh, I can't take these off.

Melissa:

You know it's too much work or whatever, or what I'm saying I just want to get healthy and feel a little bit more fit and we'll lower the bar for what we know we gotta fix. And I've heard that so many times, especially in the community, and I get it. I totally understand it because I used to do the same thing. I'd be like I'm overweight because I work all the time and I don't have time to eat the proper food, so I just eat on the go. But it was a conscious choice and that's the whole thing that I'm loving about this book right now. The mountain is you, because it's really talking about how you already know what you're capable of. And once you get there, let's be real, no life. We. We like to imagine that once we get to the top, there's comfort bs, bs and I'm like a lie.

Melissa:

That's exactly what happened to me I'm like yeah, buddy, I'm up here. Why is my bank account so fat and I ain't got no time to go anywhere. This, it was terrible. I hate it. I don't know why people like being on that. I don't know if it's a a pride thing and eat up, but once I did get there, I was like what I figured once.

Melissa:

I got here, I got to like play video games and relax, and they're still calling me and it's just no, it's never stops. There's more that comes with it. So the book really talks about how, when we get higher and higher and when we accomplish more and more in life, we realize it didn't bring the comfort level that we thought it would. We realized it brought a level of new responsibility and a level of new problems yeah, I'm not gonna lie.

Alyssa:

Oh, I think it was. He posted this yesterday, but I was scrolling through linkedin and donnie had said something like that that when he was at the top he realized it just brought on new tasks for him to do. And he said something like you can't live off of past accomplishments because that's not going to do anything for him. I love that. And I was like oh, that's nice. And I was like but I, I had a, I made a conscious like reflection, like I do that and it's like, oh, he's calling me out okay, then I I think about it and he's like I know I have mental wellness issues, I know I already deal with all that.

Melissa:

I, I've been diagnosed, it's fine. How much of that? Because my nervous system literally was affected. There was paralysis, there was so much. So how much of that was affected because my body was like dang, the higher you go, the more responsibility you're gonna have. I don't want no more and I think that's really what it came down to, because I remember I'm single mom, regardless. There's co-parenting, and then there's single parenting and let's be real, I single mom, and then taking care of you guys and then helping run schools, and then, with the transitions of everything that happened, having to sometimes be the only one really leading the school, and then having to go back and forth and support, and then playing the politics of everything no support system and then getting sick you had like so many jobs, being like one person and it was insane.

Alyssa:

I was like I don't want to be a teacher because if I end up being amazing, you know. Thank you, I saw all the things you did, so scared to want to go accomplish it.

Melissa:

But then that's another thing the book talks about is like be real with yourself. Subconsciously, if you're scared of more response, what is it that you're scared? And I had to think about it. I will. I didn't mind doing the work because I've always been a hard worker, but the work I was starting to do was no longer aligned to what I really believed. It was more aligned to what the people above me believed and would literally tell me I can't even teach you how to do some of your job, because I didn't ever do it like yeah this is how are you above me, right, if you've never done this?

Melissa:

so I just realized it was no longer aligning and I needed to be somewhere else. And as I realized I needed to be somewhere else, I'm okay with putting into that extra work now. I don't dread it. Is it tiring? Yes, and people will be like you do too much.

Alyssa:

No, I actually like it you're like I do too much. That's actually aligned to my goals. Oh, it's so. That's a good question.

Melissa:

Because you're saying too much, rather than like you might think it's too much. Yeah, I might think you watch too much TV. It's different, you're not wrong. So you really got to think about that. Like, what is it that people would say that's too much? Is it too much or is it too much for you and you wouldn't want to do it? Because nine times out of ten, that's what it always was, and because my brain don't really work like that.

Melissa:

My brain's like forget the feelings. Melissa, you gotta get it done that's what they're like.

Melissa:

Franklin got it she well, franklin will do it again. Well, franklin will do it again. Oh, franklin will do it, franklin will do it. And then I was like, okay, so let me go do it, because it wasn't a big deal at first, until I realized, wait, I'm always the one doing it, and then, on top of it, I'm supposed to be the one delegating. How is this happening? Delegating happening, delegating back to yourself, basically, and that became a micromanaging thing of I don't want to let anything go and again reading this book, this is not one too, like, oh man, when you let go of that sense of control, then you put yourself in harm's way because you leave yourself vulnerable to what can happen.

Alyssa:

And I was like oh, mind blown, You're calling me out in every way possible.

Melissa:

Why do I read books?

Alyssa:

That literacy. Sometimes it's the words within.

Melissa:

Oh man. But I think this book just really hits the nail on personal growth. So, really thinking about those stories and everything it's helped me understand my own mind. And the 75 hard challenge is like the one that resonates the most with it right now. Because, again, take this 10 years ago. I would have been looking at you like you, stupid. Take it. 20 years ago. I would have been looking at you like you, stupid. Take it 20 years ago. I would have been like I'm gonna crush you. Like so it was.

Melissa:

It depends what phase I was at with the mindset, because I can say whatever I want about the body, but 10 years ago my body wasn't as healthy as it is right now. 20 years ago I was definitely healthier than I am right now, but I was not healthier than I am right now 10 years ago. So it's been ups and downs and ups and downs. So again, like the differences with the challenge and like getting those things done with resilience, my personal story would end up being that now things are easier because I've done it. So a lot of people will be like I don't know how you do it, how do you get up there and how do you do those speeches. How do you keep talking? How do you? How do you have that confidence?

Alyssa:

man, I'm scared.

Melissa:

I'm scared. You have to learn confidence. You learn confidence. That's definitely the word. I don't even think you learn confidence rather than you learn. It's going to be okay. You really just learn. You know what?

Melissa:

If that sucked, oh well, like, let's see what we gotta do to fix it, because we're in the now and you just take what's now and keep going. That's the whole power of now, that book itself is. You can't be worried about the future, because then you're dwelling and creating problems that might not even ever happen, and you shouldn't be focused on the past because there's nothing you need to change anywhere. Yeah, it's happened. So at this point it's like yep, I started. Yep, I blink a lot. Yep're not wrong, I don't look at the camera. Okay, moving forward, what are we dealing with right now? 20 headaches because everybody thinks I'm mad at them because I didn't look at the camera. Got it? Okay, let me talk to them and let me start doing that and subconsciously start realizing next time I can look at the camera. Or I can have 20 personal phone calls afterward because everybody feels like sad or disconnected. And it evolved, you get better. Yeah.

Alyssa:

For me. It's like I don't know if you've heard of this one thing, but it was an analogy for Edison and the light bulb. It's like he didn't mess up 99 times, he just found 99 solutions that didn't work. And I was like oh, okay, you know I'm finding solutions to different problems, just not my light bulb. Yet and I'm like okay, I actually like that Because even when I'm trying to build my confidence, okay, I can't do the 20 years ago, but I could do 10 and five, you know okay.

Melissa:

I can't do the 20 years ago, but I could do 10 and 5, you know, because you know I'm not 20 yet. Oh, I was like what do you mean? Were you judging years ago?

Alyssa:

I was totally already getting a better but like a lot, 10 years ago I was like really confident but the past few years I've like lost confidence but I've been able to build that back up. And it's just like you know, it's not that I don't know something is that I'm learning it now, and it's not that I can't do something, it's just I haven't done it before so it's it's like confidence builder.

Alyssa:

And when I was going through my own phases of depression and PTSD, I was in a low that I hadn't felt before. So I was kind of in denial that I was in that low. I was like what are you talking about? I'm not sad. Do I look sad? I'm not sad.

Melissa:

And then I would get angry. You cranky all the time. You need to go take a nap. Why are you telling me I'm sad, I, I don't know Get angry, you cranky all the time. You need to go take a nap. Why are you telling me I'm sad? I'm sad. You know what? You slept all night. Just go back to sleep why did you wake me up?

Alyssa:

I'm not sad You're sad.

Melissa:

Oh man, you were in such denial, but it is what it is Like. You're not right. You kind of named it when you said it was unfamiliar. And it was funny because I was talking to a former elementary friend who is now like talking about working with us and going through coaching and such and chatting about things. And we were talking about like those type of fears that we have or those type of things that keep us, hold us back because of those beliefs that we have, and I think that trickles over into like traumas or different things that we deal with. But I was kind of sharing with them.

Melissa:

Like when we go through so many problems, we kind of keep going because we're so used to like, hey, I got out of life from the last one, I should at least get out of life from this next one. Logic shows, and because our brain really is focused on the stories of the past, so we're scared because it's unfamiliar, we're gonna do it. So when she and I were talking, we just started talking about so how much do you self-sabotage because of it? She's like yep, yep, and we both knew how the other person was doing it because you already knew subconsciously, like what that person was like as a kid, so you knew what were. They're going to be their triggers as an adult especially if you're in the same environment.

Alyssa:

It's like, oh, so you have this.

Melissa:

Yeah, I understand how's that bugging you? Now I think it's funny when they're always talking about everybody that was at the club or whatever in my generation, like how do they like their chicken farms and like their free range? Um, everything is just like organic and like that's pretty funny because they're not wrong. That's literally where our generation is at this point, but it's just more how we've coped and evolved and how we've dealt with those traumas.

Alyssa:

But we've also avoided certain things and even as an adult, it's like oh, you still avoided that one conversation. Stop talking, stop talking. Have you done this conversation, darn?

Melissa:

okay, you see yeah, no, um, I mean thinking about that again. The mountain the mountain is you is definitely talking about all the traumas and it's bringing all that out how it can shape our present and it kind of is like the studies that'll end up showing that once we do things enough, we can kind of callous our brain to get used to it and to kind of harden and harden hard like hardened callous. It's just it keeps going and it's not so soft anymore. But that doesn't happen until you build the habits to do it and you have enough experience in doing it. So, thinking about that, it was like why is the 75 hard challenge not motivating or not very hard exciting.

Melissa:

Like who the heck is excited at 11 o'clock at night? Like, yeah, well, because I had so much energy pumping, because I'm finally doing stuff consistently in the day that I wanted to, I don't care if it's four days it was like you see, but because at that point I hadn't been showing up for myself anymore. So if I haven't been showing up for myself, I've been mad at myself.

Melissa:

The book would literally be like get mad at yourself right, but it's supposed to say that getting mad and getting aggressive are two different things. You're not wrong. I get upset and not get aggressive about it. Just do something about it.

Alyssa:

Because you could even be happy and be aggressive. This is different. People automatically assume that aggressive can be a negative term, but it can be both.

Melissa:

You're not wrong, but I wasn't even thinking about aggressive being the negative term, but it can be. I was, you're not wrong, but I wasn't even thinking about aggressive being the negative term, rather than mad being something. That shouldn't be a negative term, you know, because to get upset and to have those feelings, you need to ask yourself why did you feel that? Because I don't. I don't ever think feelings or emotions are wrong. They're signals, they're still triggers. Now, if you're triggering that consistently and you ask yourself okay, well, it's broken. Now why? What trauma is like playing back and again and again, and again in my brain that is now triggering this emotional response?

Alyssa:

to happen. So even if you don't think that it's directly linked, it could be indirectly linked to a certain trauma or to a certain situation that you've been in and somehow, someway, you looked at something, you smelled something, you heard a certain sound that brought that memory back and you're like huh.

Melissa:

Yeah, and you're like huh yeah, so thinking about it, going from poverty watching my mom build and dig out, and then kind of going and doing the same thing and dig out, and then it just shows me like you can lay that ground and you can still keep going. And then all the surgeries and then all the adversities that I've been through, and then going and getting myself in major debt and digging out, and even the weight loss journeys up and down roller coasters. I think at this point it just shows me if I put my mind to it and I can get it done. So when I do the 75 hard challenge no, because I'm not ready, I don't want to do that. But I already know if I start I'm not going to stop. Why because it feels better to have that consistency and I enjoy how my body responds and I'd rather have that feeling than the exhaustion feeling yeah, and like it's also good because for you, when you get sick, you get sick bad, yeah.

Alyssa:

So whenever you're on these challenges, you're like all right, I just got out of being sick, now let me do a challenge.

Melissa:

I was dying and, like the first days, I was really scared. I wasn't able to, but just starting the, the simple, that's so sad and that's what tells you how bad your habits are. When it's like just adding the water, consistency can yeah, I can breathe.

Alyssa:

What is happening? You'll notice you're cleaning a lot of stuff out and like skin gets brighter.

Melissa:

You know you're less oily um well, at my age I want to be a little bit more oily, not dry, so, like I, need to be less oily, because I'm starting to get all these little buddies on my face and I'm like, oh hey, let's see.

Alyssa:

But yeah, and I like this challenge because, even though you already know me before, like never really liked exercise. I was like what I need an exercise, for I'm skinny and you're like, well, don't be, you know, too reliant on that for long you're young. There's a difference and it's like okay, but like now it's like yeah, I like drinking water. You know, it's not that bad, I'll walk outside.

Melissa:

Well, I mean. So then thinking about that we could talk about like just building confidence through hardships, because as we transition to talking about that, I think you're you literally just said it. Why do I got it? I'm skinny, fine. Then thinking about it long term and evaluating your family and everything else, how hard was it not to be able to live something? How hard was it to feel weak compared to everybody else because you don't?

Alyssa:

have enough weight on you. Yeah, like basketball, I can say that I'm not gonna lie to you. And no, in volleyball, when I, um, when I tore the muscle, I was really sad. I'm not gonna lie to you, I was really sad. My main part of me, it literally takes up 60 percent of me my legs, I need my legs. So I was super sad. I was like you don't have my legs, oh, I'm stuck on the 60%. That's my identity, you know. So I could. That was my hardship for a month and people were like you're a crip.

Alyssa:

I was like no like I'm not crippled, I'm just like really upset. But my entire demeanor had changed and people were like they definitely saw it. Yeah, they were like, oh, you're crippled. And I was like, thanks, it's very funny. But I was like you know what? You know what?

Melissa:

that's why you're short wow, just gonna go back to pick on them people and cave to society right, exactly no no geez, but really thinking about them then. So building strength and being realistic about it. When you think about diet now, you can see why it's still necessary for you oh, your diet will look different. It's not going to be restricting calories.

Melissa:

I think that's what people are scared of adding calories. In your case, it's actually like well, to be fair, it's your diet looks different. It doesn't mean your diet is restricting calorie. In your case, your diet is like nope, you normally don't eat enough protein. You normally don't eat enough food. You're gonna eat a little more. So that's where it's like. You've been snacking, you've been sticking with all of them because of the snacks, because of the meals that we've had portioned out and everything, and I think you guys aren't used to that. So you're even saying it. You're thinking it's the water.

Alyssa:

I'm like well, you're just not even used to eating that much that, and also just like not used to like being full, like I'm used to being full but I'm not used to being like stuffed because of water.

Melissa:

Yeah, I'm not okay so that makes it more difficult for you and I think that's a different perspective that people wouldn't see. It's like well, she's dieting. Why is she eating extra? Because she's supposed to put on weight like she's actually supposed to put on. I remember how mad your coaches were that you weren't, I swear.

Alyssa:

So I had a whole chicken dinner yesterday. Ah, fish the day before. I promise you I'm trying, and I think that's like an internal battle, or me, because I'm like my body isn't you know what others expect, right? So especially for the hike, yeah, and I'm like well, I don't know what you expect. You said I'm tall. You know it has to proportion this stuff out evenly.

Melissa:

It's all in my head and a lot of it's still the muscle too, because I think when you started running, you gained muscle and you weren't so Like if I push you, you're going to fall.

Alyssa:

Yeah, I was more like this. This tree's a little rooted, you know it's not swaying, it'll be OK.

Melissa:

Now I feel like if I bump into you, I might bounce off. I don't feel like you're going to fall.

Alyssa:

I mean, like what are you doing?

Melissa:

like what, oh my, like, but that's building muscle and that's also like diet. That was different. That's what I'm getting at. So that's part of that challenge. You just said it.

Alyssa:

I don't eat a diet, you do it just looks different from other people's, especially because before I would eat like a bird, I wouldn't eat at all. And then we like okay, ellie, you have to eat. Now, trying to eat, it's like okay, I'm eating a lot more than what I'm used to, but I'm still not eating enough to what other people want. And it's like okay, but now that I'm doing this quote-unquote diet, I'm eating what I need and like what is self-sufficient and that's good for me. Where it makes me feel good, not too overstuffed, and also it's like okay, now I'm not so much of a pushover either.

Melissa:

I get I think that would definitely be your resilience part, with your hardships or whatever in general with your body, I would say your arms and then your limbs, just in general, grew way faster than you had time to get used to them. And then, when you got used to them, it was like oh man, she's a beast, like get out of her way.

Melissa:

Oh wow, she's actually upset right now, so she's gonna go do something on that court interesting, but that wasn't something you had before. And I could see you struggling with those like, oh man, she's really struggling. And now it's like that's cool, but you, you pushed through and you did the running. You didn't want to, oh no, and it's funny because they told you stop running. They're like stop running, you're losing weight. But that's actually how you built more muscle yeah, uh, muscle endurance.

Alyssa:

You know, I actually fixed my breathing, yeah. So while everybody else is winning on the car like what y'all doing.

Melissa:

I'm the one with asthma. That's y'all.

Alyssa:

Like y'all, have a fresh parallel.

Melissa:

I haven't sat down on games.

Alyssa:

And then I was like all right, and me actually being able to like say, hey, coach, please, please, take a break, my body's going to snap, something's going to happen. Take a break, my body's gonna snap, something's gonna happen and it's all on y'all. But I think that is a hardship for me, that I personally don't like disclosing as much. But it's like you have to be honest with yourself, like this is for me. This is what I'm going through and it's what did you call it like when you love your body but don't love it at the same time. What is that word? Embracing it? I don't know. Is it like buddy dysmorphia? What is that? Oh, I see what you're saying.

Melissa:

So what? Well then, you can't love your body and then hate your body at the same time. I used to. I'm not gonna lie to you if you hated your body and you loved it. Mm-hmm, interesting, as weird as it was. We can figure out that terminology. If somebody knows in the audience, please comment yeah please, because I was struggling.

Alyssa:

Now I'm like hey, I look a little nice. You know I'm still skinny, but I've got a little bit of muscle. You can see my doings, the pillets I'm doing, so let's skip you. You know, it makes me feel much better. Now I don't know why you're laughing, so much, oh my goodness.

Melissa:

So I was technically supposed to wrap it up at this point. So, thinking about it. So I appreciate you talking about life's challenges and growing stronger and becoming more resilient with me. Um, I've enjoyed watching you across the years, but I think I'm most proud of being able to watch your mindset with all of it, and I'm glad that you've had that opportunity to be able to dive into it at a younger age than I got to, because while I was like I'm gonna get it done, I really the mindset part was what helped me back years later because I just didn't know what I didn't know. So I'm happier there thinking about that. You ready to finish the 75 part challenge? Oh yeah, definitely. Well, thank you for being here today, munchkin.

Alyssa:

I appreciate the opportunity. I like these conversations Very enlightening.

Melissa:

So if anybody has any questions for Alyssa, please be sure to put them in the comments and then go ahead and DM us or feel free to email us and let us know. We will go ahead and have some more topics coming up the next time that we have her coming on the next season. Until next time, stay structured and smiling. Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode. To catch up on the rest of the season, visit structureandchaoticmindscom or take a quick browse on your current app to see which episodes resonate with you. If you struggle with your own mental wellness or even just balancing life, we have a team of individuals at our site who can help. You can visit structureinnovationscom and find a coach or mentor fit for you. Thank you for joining me once again, Melissa Franklin, on this episode of Structuring Chaotic Minds. Stay structured and smiling.