Structuring Chaotic Minds

Turning Grief into Growth with Christine Passo

• Melissa Franklin • Season 3 • Episode 4

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Unlock the keys to personal transformation as we sit down with Christine Passo, an inspiring purpose and transformation coach who left a two-decade career in advertising to guide women in their 40s and 50s through life’s pivotal changes. Listen to Christine’s heartfelt story of epiphany during a job interview that reshaped her path, as she shares insights into aligning careers with personal values and dreams. This episode promises to equip you with the tools of introspection and self-awareness, offering practical steps to navigate professional and personal crossroads with a renewed sense of confidence.

Grief is more than just the loss of a loved one; it's an intricate part of life's transitions. Together with Christine, we explore how grief from changes like job loss or identity shifts can become a powerful catalyst for growth. Discover actionable strategies to honor your grief, foster self-love, and silence inner negativity. Through the lens of Christine's coaching success stories, learn how transforming your mindset can radically elevate self-perception and confidence, empowering you to turn life’s chaos into moments of structured success.


How To Find Christine:
https://christinepasso.com/


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Melissa Franklin:

Welcome back to another episode of Structuring Chaotic Minds. I'm your host, melissa Franklin, and today we have a very special guest who is going to be talking to us about the world of transformation, resilience and finding purpose through some of life's toughest moments. So if you've ever felt stuck in your career, struggled with grief or wondered how to realign with your purpose, this episode is definitely for you. Welcome to Structuring Chaotic Minds, the podcast where we turn the chaos of everyday challenges into structured success. I'm your host, melissa, and each episode we'll explore innovative strategies, real life stories and actionable insights to help you navigate the complexities of leadership, business and personal growth. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a leader or someone striving for personal development, this podcast will give you the tools to create clarity in the chaos. Let's dive in.

Melissa Franklin:

I'm beyond excited to introduce Christine Paso, a purpose and transformation coach. She does grief support coaching and then she is a mental health advocate. After spending 20 years in advertising, christine made a very bold and courageous shift into the world of coaching. She now helps coach women that are in their 40s and 50s and rediscover their confidence and navigate through life's challenges. Christine, welcome to the show.

Christine Passo:

Oh, thank you so much, Melissa. I've always enjoyed our conversations and to be here with you on such a really have such a very important conversation. Thank you so much. I feel honored.

Melissa Franklin:

Thank you so much for joining me. I'm just tickled to be able to have you here because of the way mental health definitely resonates for both of us, so I'm excited. Let's dive into some of the questions that I honestly feel our audience would want to know. So, thinking about it, I'm pretty fascinated by your story, especially 20 years in advertising and then just switching before realizing it wasn't your true calling. Can you take us back to one of those pivotal moments? What was it that made you decide to completely change your career path?

Christine Passo:

It's such an easy answer, but it also isn't, so I'm going to try to put this in a small little box as a response. So, really, for quite some time in my 40s I'm currently 53. In my 40s I just kind of felt like things weren't matching up right. So I'm doing well in my career, making good money, establishing really wonderful relationships with my clients, but nothing really felt right. And I remember constantly asking myself, and I remember constantly asking myself is this what it's like to have a career? Because it kind of sucks, right, I graduated with a social work degree in college, so I wanted to be of strong purpose, I wanted to be of service. And here I am in advertising sales which, yes, is of service, but it wasn't in the way that I wanted.

Christine Passo:

So fast forward into my late 40s and I was on a Zoom interview for a job. It was for an account management position and I asked the question if you were to have hired me, and look back a year from now, what is it that I would have had to have done to prove that I was a great hire? Well, she looked right back at me, melissa, like, didn't even blink an eye, and said well, if you like it here and you feel like you're thriving in your role, and if you're not, that we're working on getting you into a role that better suits your goals. And if we don't have that role here at this company, we have an exit strategy in place to help you move on to what you do want to do and you know what. That was the first. I mean you could could, I could have dropped my um, pick my jaw up off the floor, honestly and I looked back at her.

Christine Passo:

I just stared at her for a second and I said so, it's about me, right? And? And she said well, of course it is. Who else would it be about? I was like, well, it would be about the role and the company. So she, at that moment, really shined a light on that I did matter and that my dreams and my goals mattered. And I was only with that company for a short period of time because we had layoffs and it was just one of those things. But it was then that I said to myself now's my opportunity. I need to find and figure out, I need to do the legwork, I need to do the research, I need to read, I need to find and figure out. I need to do the legwork, I need to do the research, I need to read, I need to open up my mind to figure out what it is that I want to do, and that's what I did, oh my goodness, I love that.

Melissa Franklin:

That is definitely a powerful moment of self-awareness and being able to step into that. A lot of our listeners tend to feel stuck in their careers but they're not sure how to take that first step moving towards something more fulfilling. What advice would you give for someone who is in that place but just not sure where to start?

Christine Passo:

I'll tell you this is kind of easy, you know, an easy suggestion for me, because it's what I did and it felt right mirror, and I asked myself what is it that I'm doing at work that doesn't feel like it's aligning with me and my values and what's important to me? And so I wrote down the things that were important to me, like DEI, mental health, awareness, communication, true collaboration, connection, and I just started Googling those things and I found TED Talks on YouTube, I found books, I found podcasts and I started listening to them. And I was listening to them and I thought, oh my gosh, this is what I'm interested in. These are the things that I want to talk about, that I'm not. So go with your gut, write down what you're interested in and then start exploring, because no one's going to guide you right. No one's going to pop out of somewhere and say Melissa, I know what's best for you. You should do this, this and this. You have to do the work on your own.

Melissa Franklin:

I love that. That's probably the scariest part sometimes, though, trying to admit that to ourselves. You've mentioned before that finding purpose was crucial in your journey. Can you share more about aligning your purpose and transitioning that to help others do the same? I know you're saying like write it out, but once they're there, how do they really feel that they can apply that purpose if it isn't career?

Christine Passo:

Well, I mean, it takes some time, right, I mean, and it really takes going back to when we were younger, because when we're younger, we don't have any inhibitions, right? We don't have anything that's blocking our view. We either like something or we don't. We try whatever we want, without a true goal in mind other than to have fun, and to see if we like it.

Christine Passo:

And we stop doing that as adults because we think we either have to make money at it or somehow we have to benefit from it or there's got to be something to say at the end. And so we limit ourselves and by doing that we're missing out on so many opportunities that could turn into purpose. And so really just relinquishing the idea that everything has to mean something and just say I'm just going to try it, I'm just going to watch this TED Talk and see what I learn and see what other TED Talks come up as recommended, it's amazing what will unfold when we start taking an interest in what seems to matter, and that's how we find our purpose, love that it's basically go play and see if you actually enjoy it.

Melissa Franklin:

Right, that's a big one for people. I love that you pointed out when you were a kid, because that's one thing I like to share with people is, when you were a kiddo, I promise you that's golden. That's what you wanted to do, but a lot of other life factors started messing with that mindset and making you believe it wasn't possible. So go back to who you were when you were a kiddo. I like to call it your daimun, your inner child, that inner spirit and everything that's there. And it's like your inner child, that inner spirit and everything that's there, and it's like we got to let that diamond shine. So I love that. I love that.

Melissa Franklin:

Okay, so the next part we're going to be talking about is grief and transformation. I know that grief has definitely played a significant role in your own transformation and you often help others clients I mean, geez, even myself in my pre-talks deal with the grief and find it as a source of strength. Could you talk to us about your personal experience with grief and how it impacted the way you live and work today?

Christine Passo:

Yes, sure. So I think I've talked about grief and really been thinking about grief for my whole life. I just didn't understand it right. I thought it was something else. But I used to do a LinkedIn live show with a connection and in the beginning of January it was our first episode for 2024, we chose three words each that described our 2023 year and, ironically, we both chose grief in one form or another. I think she went with regret, but essentially, regret is grief and I started talking about that.

Christine Passo:

Grief is not just about what we suffer from end of life when somebody passes away. It's everything. It's job loss, it's you lose a mentor at work, it's identity loss you don't know who you are, you don't know what steps to take. It's divorce, it's emptiness syndrome, it's health decline. I mean, melissa, it is so many things but we don't name correctly. We just think it's this and we brush it under the rug and then, years later, we still have that grief, that regret, right that we're dealing with.

Christine Passo:

And so, in realizing that about grief, I really started incorporating that more into my coaching. But once we lost our Sheltie, a dog, myra, late in May and it has been so this was four months ago. It has been the most devastating grief I've ever experienced in my life. So just when we think we know something, it hits at a deeper level. And so having gone through that has taught me just how diverse and how important it is to not compare grief, whether you're referring to somebody else or you're referring to yourself, because every relationship is different. And so I just I have learned myself um the, the components, the complexities, the, the heart wrenching pain of grief and how to adapt it into coaching, because it really is step one. It is step one in guiding my clients through their healing and to hope because without dealing with the grief and that heartache from whatever loss again that there's 50 different reasons for it and they stay stuck.

Melissa Franklin:

I think you'll stay stuck and that's when you'll start seeing the physiological stuff happen as well. I know for myself if I don't express the stress, logical stuff happen as well. I know for myself if I don't express the stress, my hair falls out. It's so strange. I will see huge round circle spots, just like there goes. My hair Cool, so I've been wearing a braid a lot lately, but it just comes to. You actually don't really experience the emotion for that long If you let yourself experience the emotion. I like also the not comparing the grief, because what's grief to one might not be the same for somebody else. So yeah, that's really moving. It's really a deep experience for each individual and yet something we all go through in one form or another. So for those listening who might be in the middle of their own grief, what are some practical steps to use to guide clients through their own journey and help them not just survive but actually truly heal, transform and thrive?

Christine Passo:

Sure. So the most important thing to understand is that we are not taught, we are not raised, to sit in grief with somebody else. You know, we're not taught, we're not coached, we're not educated on how to sit with somebody when they're sad or depressed or suffering. You know, we are instead taught to cheer them up. Right, let me fix them, and it's impossible. But with that, what ends up happening is when somebody is grieving very deeply again from whatever life event has happened and somebody comes along and says, oh, you're still dealing with that. So that does two things that invalidates the feelings of the griever and the sufferer and it makes them feel like they need to hurry up. They need to hurry up. It's like, wow, something's wrong with you. It's been two weeks, you're still upset. It's been a month, you're still upset. And the answer is yes, I am still upset.

Christine Passo:

This is very difficult for me because no two people grieve the same, and that's where comparing is so incredibly dangerous. Honoring somebody else and somebody who is grieving to honor themselves in their pain is so important. Seek out one or two people that you know you can count on, because it's really difficult. Like I said, we're not taught to sit with people in their grief and grab onto them and know that you can reach out to them and they understand what you're going through. Because the truth is and, melissa, I think you understand this that we may never fully heal because, especially grief from loss, from death right, I mean, we love forever, like I'm going to love my array forever. So there's always going to be that part of my heart that will grieve, but it's finding hope and how to heal in those difficult situations that matter so much, and that all starts with honoring your own pain and your feeling and not trying to convince yourself that something's wrong with you. Yeah, no, I love that.

Melissa Franklin:

I think the way you talk about it being almost like a source of empathy and strength for individuals once they've gone through it, it's pretty refreshing and a hopeful way to look at something when it feels so overwhelming. I know that is just like a heavy weight. I imagine that once someone goes through the process of healing, they should be left with like a greater sense of clarity and self-love. So I appreciate those tips because that's definitely something I still hold on to and work with with my own grief. I kind of needed that little reminder. Thank you Well, kind of looking into the other area, you definitely do really well with empowering midlife women. One thing that stands out in your work is your focus on empowering just women in general, but definitely in their 40s and 50s particularly. What are some of the unique challenges that these particular women face and how do you guide them through those struggles?

Christine Passo:

Sure. So women in particular, we again back to being raised. We're raised to act a certain way, we're raised to be people pleasers. We are raised to not speak up, not speak our mind. We might come across as aggressive.

Christine Passo:

So so much of what I work with my clients on is breaking those behavioral habits and having them become aware. So, like awareness is such a huge part, Having them become aware that these kind of myths, these lessons that our parents have taught us which no blame to them, by the way you know we, everybody, does their best and you know a lot of these parenting tips come down generation after generation until someone breaks the cycle. Right that you know you're going to have about one person that detours it, breaks the cycle. But you know so much as breaking those habits and and letting them know that it not only is okay to not be a people pleaser, but they will actually end up presenting as a more lovable, kind, supportive human being to everybody in their life, when they're treating people with respect and acceptance versus doing it because they feel like they have to please them. That creates such an inauthenticity that makes us even be who we're not. So it's such a double-edged sword there.

Christine Passo:

So breaking those habits and then, in terms of empowerment, that actually happens on its own. So it happens on its own, just as we're having conversations right. So the awareness I talk about, how important the awareness is, that until we face, perhaps, that we've been living our lives in a way that we don't want to, or that we're not happy, really, with the behavior that we've been engaging in, until we face that, and instead of blaming ourselves and being like, oh God, I'm such an idiot, why did I do that, it's like okay, I did that in the past, I can't change it. Who do I want to be moving forward, and just that in itself is so incredibly empowering, because then they're in their own right, they're standing in their own body and their own power, and it's like I have a decision I can make here. Somebody else is not making it for me, so that's I mean, it's just a beautiful thing to witness.

Melissa Franklin:

I love how you pointed that out, especially like the societal expectations being placed on women. I actually made a post about that today because I've been in some rooms lately where a lot of people are like stop talking, you're making people uncomfortable. But we're talking about what's true. I'm not being rude, I'm not being mean, I'm not saying false information, but I'm not being nice. Okay, I mean I'm not nice. Nice is pleasant. It might not be pleasant for someone to hear that something is wrong, but I'm being kind and I'm being upfront and honest.

Melissa Franklin:

So I don't know what to do, but my grandfather always empowered me to speak up. He would say the phrase leave her alone, and it was more you can speak up. But he was also very honest. He's like society's not going to deal well with it, honey. So basically, you better learn how to do everything by yourself and then, as you grab a team where people can figure it out, to go it'll come into place, but not to expect it to just happen, and I was like, yeah, I can see that I can totally see that he was a.

Christine Passo:

He was a wise man and you know. I just want to comment really quickly where you said nice, that you weren't being nice. Work, you know, when you're at work and you're in these important meetings, it isn't about being nice, and that word is always attached to women, it's not attached to men. If you're not coming in with, like, holding flowers and giving donuts and, you know, cupcakes to everybody, you're not being nice. It has nothing to do with nice. You're a very nice person, but sometimes there's a point to make and it doesn't mean you're being mean. It doesn't mean you're not being nice. It means you're being direct and we, as women, we have to continue on that path, because it's so important for us to be able to speak our truth like that. I love.

Melissa Franklin:

That it actually brings me to the part where you really emphasize a lot about confidence and self-love in your coaching and I feel like that's something that we need to embrace. And I feel like that's something that we need to embrace like be confident enough but still love ourselves, because I'll feel yucky sometimes in those rooms, I'm like they don't like me, and then I go home the rest of the day super sad and Melissa's like what's wrong with you, like they didn't like me.

Melissa Franklin:

She's like why do you care? I was like because I care. I still can't quite get over it. I try to pretend like I don't, but it definitely impacts me. So what are some of the ways that you would help other women rediscover that confidence after all those years of feeling undervalued, disconnected or like they weren't a part of the club themselves?

Christine Passo:

Oh, absolutely so. I like to. At this point, I'm going to talk about our inner voice, our inner dialogue, right? So that inner dialogue that you had that day, which was they don't like me, right? Instead of well, maybe everybody's just tired, or what difference does it make, right? I mean, we could tell ourselves an entire book full of stories that are negative about who we are, that nobody else is saying and, in fact, because we say it to ourselves so many times, if one person, even jokingly, makes a comment that's even relative to what we say to ourselves, we're like yep, validation. There it is. I knew it.

Melissa Franklin:

Right, that RAS, the reticular activating system. It likes that confirmation bias and it's like, yeah, we suck.

Christine Passo:

Yes, we tear our own selves down like, more so than anybody else. You know so many of these thoughts that we have, and so confidence has to come within it, within, by letting go, by stopping that, that inner dialogue. That is just terrible. You know, it's almost like take that word like they don't like me to be like they really do like me, you know, and and just flip it because essentially neither one matter. It's what you feel about yourself that matters. Yeah, I like that. I like that. It's what you feel about yourself that matters.

Melissa Franklin:

Yeah, I like that. I like that. It's almost like you have to remove the BS or the lies, the stuff that we're telling ourselves, and really just focus on what really does matter so you can move forward. Do you have any particular success stories from your coaching practice that really exemplify this type of transformation for your clients that really exemplify this type of transformation for?

Christine Passo:

your clients, gosh, I mean. There are a variety of transformational situations that happen even just within one phone call. So transformation itself is a lifelong goal. You know this we have never arrived, we are never done.