Structuring Chaotic Minds

Resilience and Healing: Maira Carrier's Journey from Childhood Trauma to Advocacy and Empowerment

• Melissa Franklin • Season 3 • Episode 9

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What if your deepest fears as a child could fuel a lifetime of resilience and strength? Join us as we welcome Maira Carrier, a US Army veteran and the inspiring founder of Maya's Love. Maira shares her powerful journey from the uncertainty of a childhood shadowed by the fear of deportation, to becoming a committed advocate for children facing emotional trauma. She opens up about the critical role played by her community and compassionate mentors like Miss Garza and Mr. Chapin, who helped light her path toward higher education and success.

Listen closely as we explore the lasting impacts of trauma and how it intertwines with high performance. Maira and I discuss the hidden motivations that drive overachievement and the importance of self-reflection to understand our actions. We touch on the aftermath of the Uvalde shooting and its triggering effects, emphasizing the necessity of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care amidst life's chaos. Maira's story showcases how resilience was superficially addressed in the military, evolving into a personal journey of healing through meditation and self-awareness during challenging times.

As our conversation unfolds, we navigate the delicate balance of personal and professional boundaries while underscoring the healing power of family bonds. Maira shares her insights on EMDR therapy and techniques like tapping to process childhood trauma, offering guidance for those on a healing path. From managing the complexities of motherhood to creating resilient communities, Maira’s experiences remind us of the transformative strength found in supportive networks and the resilience that flourishes when we embrace both our chosen and familial connections.


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Melissa Franklin:

Welcome back to another episode of Structuring Chaotic Minds, and this season we're exploring some of life's toughest challenges. We're talking about trauma, coping mechanisms, resilience and the intense drive that can lead some of us to really become overachievers. We're diving deep with some of our most remarkable guests who embody resilience and making a huge impact on their communities. Today, I'm thrilled to have Maia Carrier with us, and she has not only become a friend. She is a philanthropist, a US Army veteran and a powerful advocate that I am beyond excited to share with this community. She is the founder of Maya's Love, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping children who are facing emotional trauma by creating safe, supportive spaces for growth and learning.

Melissa Franklin:

Maira's story is inspiring. As a first-generation high school and college graduate, she's overcome some significant challenges and she's even used her background in early child education and public health to make a lasting impact. Today, maida's love now reaches children across the world, from South Texas to South Korea, germany, uganda and more. Maya, welcome to Structuring Chaotic Minds. I'm really excited to actually have you here and talk about your story for a change, your work and the insights on resilience and hyper-performance.

Maira Carrier:

Thank you so much for having me.

Melissa Franklin:

As we get started. If you can give a little bit of a background about yourself, you are a first-generation high school student and then college graduate as well. That is a huge accomplishment. Can you share a bit about that journey and how it influenced your outlook on education, resilience and just the importance of community?

Maira Carrier:

Yeah, so my name is Maira Carrier. I am originally from Los Pedesmos, texas. I was born to a Mexican immigrant, so my mom came to the United States at a very, very young age. She was 17 years old and when she got to America she had the American dream to grow, to do stuff and everything. But with that came her own childhood trauma too. That affected all of the decisions that she made as she was searching for that American dream.

Maira Carrier:

I have two sisters who I grew up with at different stages of my life. Because I was born in Dallas, so I was able to be a citizen of the United States, but my older sister and my mom were not. My mom was an illegal immigrant for about 13 years in America and because she was living in Mexico she was only able to go to school to the third grade. So being a first generation student meant a lot. It meant that I was doing things for myself, but at that time it wasn't really for me, it was for my mom's dream. It's because that's what we had to do. We lived life for many for all of those years and even afterwards, until I grew up and created my own path as an immigrant. As with that fear that if one day I came home, my mom might not be there. So we had a person that was a pastor and my best friend in the corner house that we already had the phone number memorized. We already knew that if something happened, we had to run over there and, even though they were not family, they were going to take care of us. Because, until my mom came back, that was very a big part of my life and a big part of why I did leave and why I did work so hard and why I continue to do it now.

Maira Carrier:

I joined the army at 17 years old and I decided to join the army because after high school, college wasn't for me. I had already spent my whole childhood surviving that I didn't have the best grades, I wasn't in a stellar academic performer and I wasn't into sports, and it was just tough to even imagine that college was going to be something for me. So I didn't follow the traditional route that is set by society, but there is. There are ways to get to college and to make a difference for yourself through education, but whenever you feel like you're ready to and that doesn't mean like back off or anything, but it's whenever you're ready to. Once I joined the Army at 17 years old, I stayed there for 10 years.

Maira Carrier:

I didn't come back to Texas for about eight years to be able to like separate myself and grow and really cut certain toxic relationships from my life so that I could grow and that meant family members too. So it was a very lonely journey, but it's possible. And to be a first generation student, to be the first one in my family to graduate from high school my associates, my bachelor's, my master's and to be the first one in my family to go to the military it made such a difference to where it empowers me now when I'm talking to students in the community or whenever I'm talking to one of those kids that is feeling helpless like I did when I was little to tell them like hey, you do. You will have the power to be able to make a difference. You just have to hang in there right now. You just there's nothing you can do and accept certain things and reach out to people that can help you. But it is possible to make that difference for yourself. I love that.

Melissa Franklin:

You also served in the US Army. You mentioned that right now when you talked about the military. What was that experience like and how did that shape the approach for trauma resilience and leadership?

Maira Carrier:

It's interesting because it's almost like when you grow up in trauma. Chaotic situations are the norm for you, so they're normal. So me going from a very abusive household where I was suffering through sexual abuse, where I was going through physical abuse, starvation, it was the most extreme things that you can imagine. So from going from that to the military, where I got paid every first and 15th and you had meals for me in every corner and I didn't even care that the drill sergeant was yelling at me, I was like this is nothing. I'm good.

Maira Carrier:

I thrive. That was my space to grow, because I had a space where it was more stability than I did at home. And that was part of that whole overachiever and continuing to be like, no, this is easy, I could do this too. Oh, I could do that too. I can go to this school and get get that certification, because I had already struggled so much as a child and at home that chaotic situations seem normal. And that goes the same for like love, relationships or friendships.

Maira Carrier:

Sometimes I found myself in spaces where I didn't realize that it wasn't a good space to be in, because I was so used to what the abuse that I had gone through was the normal for me. So for me, the Army did come and I'm not saying it was the most perfect place either, because I still deployed and I still went through things in the military. I also, not only as a younger soldier but also as an NCO, an occupation officer, I had to do certain roles that took a lot out of me, like I was a suicide prevention NCO, so that was a lot, and it was very heavy to hear our troops hurting that way and being on the phone and calling behavioral health and being putting a hold for 90 minutes. It was a very eye-opening heartbreak that I went into the military, thinking that this was my saving grace and I was joining the biggest family in the army and then going in there and seeing how the system treated their own troops, their own defense for their country. So it was tough, but I was able to thrive in it because of my childhood too.

Maira Carrier:

So, yeah, and I met the best people too. So it was, it was not all bad. I, the family that I had to let go of as a child and growing up, I found in the military and I they're not even blood related, but till this day I can pick up the phone and say, hey, can you guys help me out with this for my house love, and they will do it in a heartbeat. Or if I say, hey, can I, I need to run away or whatever it is, can I take off to Germany and stay at your house, then they'll say yes, absolutely, and I'll have a home to live in. Because I made those connections and that, those deep, deep family connections and people that were in line with my life too, and went to the army to to restart again too.

Melissa Franklin:

I love that You're mentioning quite a few different type of people, so that means your work gets to span different cultures and countries. How has that multicultural background experience, like across the continents in your military background and life, just informed your approach to trauma healing and community empowerment? Because every community and culture is different.

Maira Carrier:

Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I would complain a lot in the army was like oh, we have certain leadership everywhere you go and people would tell me it's. You know, it's not the army, it's the leadership, because you go to different spaces. But one thing that I found and it didn't matter if I was in Romania or I was in Germany or Korea or in the United States, it did not matter One thing that stayed the same was a humanity of people. All of these people were putting on their pants one leg at a time, they were waking up every morning and they were hurting, whether it be their own reasons or not, and some people are happy and everything, but we all go through things. So it was almost like the universal language. And that universal language wasn't just deep hurt, but it was also like love, the love that certain people had and we couldn't we probably weren't even speaking the same language, but they had a connection with me and I had a connection with them through love and through that comfort of like hey, you're not alone, and like we can do this. It really helped me a lot to step into different spaces and I found myself in like situations that I don't know how I got to those orphanages or what, how I don't know what I googled, but I got there.

Maira Carrier:

In Korea we used to go. I took all my friends and we went to an orphanage a local orphanage, where they had a bunch of little babies, and we would go volunteer every weekend In Korea. I found myself in schools teaching English and Spanish to Korean students, and we were there and I would take all of my soldier friends and I was like let's go, we're going to go do something In Romania too. And they spoke a different language and we were in there. We were doing the same things that we do with my ass love now, but in their country for them.

Maira Carrier:

So I worked in different orphanages and homes in Romania, got to see their stories, share meals with them and spend time with them and bond in a way that I never thought as a little girl that I would be bonding with these kids or with anybody in a different country. For that reason, it was just very, very powerful to know that it didn't matter where I went, there was somebody in need and it was mostly a child that didn't have something, you know whether it be shoes, socks or a stuffed animal and for some reason, I was there and I was able to communicate with them, and they got what they needed at that time too. So it's been very powerful, and I'm really thankful for the Army for that too, because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be able to have traveled to all these places for free and be there and spending that time there.

Melissa Franklin:

So this journey basically led you to start Maya's Love, and Maya's Love is really about providing support to children in some of their most tough circumstances. Let's talk about that more, because we've talked about what you've done to start it, but I really want to talk about Maya's Love in general. What inspired you to actually create Maya's Love and what's the story behind the name?

Maira Carrier:

so Maya's Love. It's pink everywhere. Um, because I wanted to create an organization or a space for, originally, for little girls like me to be able to feel safe, to be able to reach out without a worry and to say I need support with a jacket or I need support with feminine hygiene stuff or whatever it is that they're going through. It was originally for that, but in working with communities and families across the state, we realized that it had to be more, that it wasn't just little girls hurting, it's little boys, dads, brothers, sisters and just everybody hurting. So we expanded the mission to provide support for just communities in need. We service first generation students, which is a lot of our volunteers and kids and people that work with us teachers, because we know that they were the first line and for me I wouldn't have even gone to the army if it wasn't for my teachers. They made the whole impact, from me coming to school crying, worried because I didn't know if my little sister was going to have diapers or clothes for the next day, and my mom telling me over and over like I don't have money for this or we have to pay the bills and we have to do this. So I would go to school crying and like telling my teachers where can I get a job? As a little girl, where can I get a job? Because I need to help my mom to get diapers for my sister. So I remember clearly Miss Garza. She showed up to school one day with a big black trash bag and inside it was filled with diapers and baby clothes for my sister and I never forgot that until this day I contact Miss Garza. She's not a teacher anymore, but throughout the years I supported her classroom I gave back to everything that she was doing because she made that difference for me and another teacher too.

Maira Carrier:

There are a couple, mr and Mrs Chapin. I still talk with them now too. They would greet me. Mr Chapin would greet me every day coming off the bus and he would give me a Smarties candy and like sneak it out of his little track jacket and say a Smartie for my Smartie. I never forget how smart you are and that you can make a difference in the world, and I never forgot that. And right now, one of the key items that we give out in my house love is a smarties, and we include the story there, mr Chapman, because we want others to be inspired by that too, and if that helped me and it made a mark in my life to hear that I was smart and that I should never forget about it, I want anybody who gets those care packages to hear it too. Like you could do that too.

Maira Carrier:

The name with Maya's love. My name is Mayra, but it's spelled M-A-I-R-A, and when we were little my little sister couldn't say the letter R, so she'd be like Maya, maya, maya, and growing up no one could read my name correctly. They would say Maria. So then I was like you know what? I'm gonna put Maya's love on there to honor my little sister too and to make sure that people read it correctly. So, yeah, that's the reason behind her name. And now my little sister had a little girl and now her name is Maya as well, and it's just. It's been very powerful to get back to communities and to really not only give back but selfishly for me to heal throughout different parts of my life and really check myself to see if I was really in that healing space that I thought I was in, as I came across cases that were very similar to my childhood.

Melissa Franklin:

But it's been very, very powerful and a beautiful healing space for me. Thinking of that space, I think you were sharing how impactful teachers can be and that's kind of what's necessary or it keeps us going. I know, for me, um, it sounds selfish, but I always told myself Alyssa and Brayden had somebody at home who loved them, who cared, and some of the students didn't. So I needed to show up and like I just kept pushing until I realized like I still needed to be at home a little bit more and find that balance so-called if that makes sense. But you're not wrong, teachers can really be impactful for kids. So thinking about, I guess, the emotional trauma and support for children, how do you all design those programs or how do you create that safe space, healing and empowerment for kids for the future?

Maira Carrier:

I have to really put my different hats on when I'm doing certain things. Um, first, I like clearly identify okay, what is the main objective for this? What do I want to do? Okay, is it me wanting to have our team go out there and they get that fulfillment in what they're doing, and is the person who's receiving this gonna feel that same fulfillment too? And it's always an alignment of are we telling our volunteers why they should care? And it's not so much why you should care, but just giving you that extra little piece of knowledge of like, hey, like, we went to drop out flowers for the elderly. Hey, did you guys know that the very first time that a lot of men get that a rose, it's in their funeral and half of the half of the people don't know. And it's something as simple as that, that it's a kind action, but you're doing it and you're making a difference. And while the volunteers are in these spaces, the people that are there have been not forgotten but have been in a different space in their life where they might not feel as important for others. So, us going into those spaces, like the elderly homes, we go to orphanages, we go to food pantries and all of those spaces to be able to give that.

Maira Carrier:

I mainly, even though she feels a lot of trauma dealing with childhood and my mom, I really put my mom's with childhood and my mom. I really put my mom's eyes on and really think in this time of craziness and being an immigrant, or in this time of me making this decision to put my daughters in these situations, what would have helped me to not make that choice? What could have happened would have helped me to not make that choice? What could have happened? What could have made that difference for us not to go through what we did? And it's small things here and there and I really channel her even though it sounds crazy, but I really channel her to be able to provide that extra support and so that and also being able to um, make sure that my volunteers are comfortable and that they're feeling fulfilled in what they're doing too can you share a story or something like a moment that really confirmed that the mission that you're doing is actually important?

Maira Carrier:

yeah, yeah. So I have a lot, but one of them that I never forgot here in San Antonio is one of our students and he's so special. One of the teachers reached out and she said you know, I have a student who is asking our admin if they could borrow their Christmas tree and it's a tiny little Christmas tree because they don't have one at home. Is there anything that we can do? I was like yes, like absolutely. What does he need? Does he need a Christmas tree? Does he need how many siblings does he have? What can we do? He gave us a list, he told us the ages and we went and we bought them. It was during Christmas time. We bought them their whole pantry for that time, for the holiday break that they were going to have, because he wasn't asking for food or anything. But we knew that holiday break is coming and what does that mean? That that little boy was probably going to be babysitting the sibling.

Maira Carrier:

And that there's probably not going to be food at home because mom's working and they didn't have a dad either. We went, we bought a bunch of groceries for them, we filled their pantry, we bought them Christmas presents. But one thing that I wanted to do for sure was get the mom a special Christmas present, because we help with the kids and everything too. But maybe that little extra kindness for the mom would have made that impact. You know, and and just the what ifs or the maybes. And so I bought the mom a robe and it was like one of those fluffy, beautiful robes and stuff and she, she just loved it. She was so thankful. When we showed up to their house to drop out the stuff, they were living in a garage in the back of somebody's house. They just had the mom had a newborn baby and she was filled with tamales stuff on it because she had just come out of work. And they were just so thankful and that was all we did. We went dropped off, we gave them hugs and we left.

Maira Carrier:

A year later I ran into that student and that student goes miss, miss, I don't think you remember me, but I and I right away, I'm like, yes, I do remember you come here. And I hugged him and he started crying and it was just very impactful and he's like I just wanted to tell you thank you for giving my mom that robe, because if you wouldn't have brought that present for her, she wouldn't have had a Christmas present. It still makes me emotional, but it's like and just kindness can make a difference for the whole family. And for that kid to come and say thank you for something that was so small but so meaningful for his mom, it just it never left my heart Like it never did. And I went to school that year. Throughout the year he was always there. We brought guest speakers, so he got to escort one of our 99-year-old Rosies from World War II, so we brought that for him. We brought in the Spurs coyote to their school too and I just wanted to give him everything. I'm like whatever you want, take it all. I just wanted to give him everything. I'm like whatever you want, take it all. But it was just.

Maira Carrier:

I know that if in a school I have one student that's hurting like that, that there's so many more. So if we just show up and do something like that for all of them, then you're already making a difference and you don't even have to hear it or have that student come up to you to tell you that difference is being made and that seeds being planted of them knowing that in the future they can come back and do this for their kids too for other kids as well, because I was one of those kids that was just inspired by my teachers, inspired by care packages that other people would send us or give us. Everything in my house.

Maira Carrier:

Love that we do it's because of a support that somebody gave me when I was little. We support the food pantries we lived off of the food pantries. We support just being kind, we support Head Starts, we support the teachers, the first generations, because at some time in my life somebody made an impact in that area and space for me. So we do a lot of little things here and there, but it's all things that people are hurting by and that could need that extra love in their life for oh, yeah, I was crying.

Melissa Franklin:

Building a non-profit that's broad, especially in the international range, is not a small venture. What was probably one of the biggest challenges that you faced with Maya's Love, and getting it to where it is today the very beginning.

Maira Carrier:

Oh, I don't want to throw a shade, but I'll say that it was hard in the beginning because I had never established a nonprofit organization. I had Google and my husband, but I had never established. You know, like that's, that's that's I'm like, can you translate this for me and tell me what this actually means? You know, but I reached out to some people. I reached out to specifically one female veteran who has already, who had already an established nonprofit and everything, and I got like the cold shoulder. So to me that was like and that was motivating too, but it was almost like we're both veterans. We're both veterans, but I don't know, because I was sharing how my nonprofit is with mental health and hers is solely on mental health. That maybe I don't know. I mean, I don't know, I can't even speculate, but that was in the beginning.

Maira Carrier:

I think that was a hard thing to do to get past that. I think it's like my ego being bruised because I expected more out of people and I saw the difference in that. And that was the initial stuff. And then the biggest thing that I had to really work through and the most challenging thing was, I would say, uvalde, the shooting in Uvalde and also how certain cases and kiddos reminded me of my own trauma. Because, I mean, life changed after Uvalde for me and before that I was already traumatized with my childhood. So then I was like it was a, it was a lot to have to really process for myself and say, okay, this is where I need to create this boundary, this is when I need to take a break.

Maira Carrier:

Um, if I go to Ubalde and we have an event there, I know that it's going to take me a week, two weeks, to get my heart back to where it needs to be. And we could be in events and be and you know that you're making an impact and you know that you're there and you're seeing everybody smiling and you love everything that's happening. But at the same time, for me inside it's like but, but I had to get to this and I'm here doing this because of this. That happened when I was little. So it's really always a realization for me to sit back with that truth of it is beautiful, it is everything and I'm proud of it. But I have to sit back and process the truth. If I'm doing a sexual abuse class, I remember and it's like we did this because of this and because there's a lot of little girls and boys hurting, and there's people that are going through it and we're not the only ones, but that's been the biggest thing.

Melissa Franklin:

that takes us into our next piece, where we talk about resilience and high performance. So you're not only making a difference, but you're also balancing a demanding schedule, and then you have to reach a whole nother level of performance because of that balance, as people would say as someone who's accomplished as you always say no, but as someone who's accomplished a lot, um, you have a unique perspective on achievement. Why do you think some people us? That's probably what we're friends but why do you think some people push themselves to such high levels, especially when they face trauma or challenges?

Maira Carrier:

For me. It's tough. I don't know if I've fully figured it out yet, but I know that in different areas and in different times in my life. I feel like I'm in a better space now where I could really respect my own boundaries that I put. But there was a lot of time in my life where that wasn't the case and it was like I was sharing earlier. We talk a lot about, like mommy issues, daddy issues, all of these things.

Maira Carrier:

I grew up hearing a different version of why my father wasn't around until I grew up and understood what reality really was. So not having my dad around really affected a lot of my relationships and a lot of my thought process, because that whole time I thought, oh, it's because I have daddy issues, so I'm dealing with that. But in reality the core of what was affecting me was that mother wound of some scars that not even time could heal and making those decisions. So I had to really learn what boundaries were and I had to really learn that if I'm trying to be an overachiever at certain things, is it because I'm trying to get that love that I desperately still need for my mom, or is it because I didn't have my dad and I need to like I'm over testosterone or whatever it is to be, like I got this, I could do this and I didn't need a, I didn't need a man, I didn't need my dad and I got this.

Maira Carrier:

And it's constant, constant, it's exhausting, but it's constant, checking in on myself and really seeing like, okay, is this the right reason? Are you doing this because of this, or are you doing this because of an ego thing that you're going through or what? What is the main reason why you're doing it? And now, as I sit with myself and meditate on that, I make the decision of what's next. Okay, we're moving forward with this. Okay, we're doing, we're going to go ahead and create a new space so that way we can hold this conversation there for more people, because we're going through it.

Maira Carrier:

But it's been a lot of checking in on myself, a lot of meditation, to really learn what resilience is. In the army, we talked about resilience all the time I teaching it, but it wasn't a space to be resilient, it was a state, a space to carry on and move on, go and move, go and move. So it wasn't something that I fully learned to practice in the military. It wasn't until I got out of the military and the pandemic happened, that I had to sit my butt down and I had to sit there and learn what to do and manage all of the emotions and all of the challenges that came with life.

Melissa Franklin:

So then, what role do you think resilience played in your life, both professionally and personally?

Maira Carrier:

Everything I want to say. As a child I didn't know that it was resilience. It was a lot of like self-talking to myself. So it was a lot of like, hey, like you can do this, you can do this, like it's not going to be like this forever and it's not going to be like this forever. We are going to get through this.

Maira Carrier:

It's and it was a lot of self self motivation because I didn't have an adult there, aside from my teachers, to tell me that it was going to be okay. So resilience and since a little girl it's been, it's been always present in my life. I always tell my, my husband and and other people that I talked to like I can't even tell you if I went through bullying, which I'm sure we did, because of our clothes were always stinky. And to like I can't even tell you if I went through bullying, which I'm sure we did, because of our clothes were always stinky and just everything. But I can't even tell you that I was affected by bullying, because I can't even remember I was too busy trying to survive and find a place where we were going to get food and just do everything to where it was always just a way of being.

Maira Carrier:

But it's just. It's just tough and, like I said, once I got to the military and I started learning about resilience it's such a big thing and being so uncomfortable with situations I had to really learn that and learn how it is. But I didn't master it until after and becoming a civilian.

Melissa Franklin:

It's crazy that you say that, because mine was similar Sort of Not really, I don't want to explain it. Ours was we were so poor in my early years my mom would sell food stamps to pay for the bills and do different um, but she was still putting herself through school and finishing it through. And then she met my stepdad and then we technically made too much to be poor or had too many resources to be poor, so so we got kicked out of the projects we did and then we ended up with my grandparents and that was a heavy transition. Anybody who knows. Going from being on welfare to coming off of welfare. That's a tough one, especially when you have a ton of student debt and all this other stuff. You haven't built a savings or a structured financial spending. I can't say that my mom didn't work hard. She was always working ridiculously hard, but they didn't focus the things on the right stuff sometimes. So what was toughest for us is we went to school with a lot of the other kids. We couldn't complain about the stuff we were struggling with how how dare you Like people are going to find out? And then both my grandparents worked in the school, so it was like you can't tell people. But you just also had to still be grateful for the fact that we had more than the other kids who didn't have it. And then it was like at least we have the opportunity to be able to lean on family even if we're struggling. So be grateful and do through.

Melissa Franklin:

But the funny thing that you pointed out is for me, subconsciously I wasn't enough, because everybody was telling us we were getting bullied. Your clothes are old, they're outdated, because they were by Goodwill or at Salvation Army, purchased by the pound and that sort, and I'm thinking like cool, I got a bunch of different outfits. This is really cool and everybody else is like that looks stupid, that's super old, like that's out of date, and I'm like it's clean clothes, like I don't get it and spathoming that part. I never wanted labels or those other things, but I pushed really hard to have the financial resources so I didn't have to listen to people's shit anymore. Yeah, so it's funny that you bring that up, because it was similar but yet so different, so very different, and we would never think that we were on the same thing. Because in my head I'm like, oh my god, she has to go through that. I didn't have to worry about getting my brother diapers that, thank god I never had to worry about anything like that.

Melissa Franklin:

Um, but then at the same time, that driver that similar situation of experiencing our own trauma. I don't know how to turn it off. Now I don't know about you. It's so hard like to turn it off and stop working. So how do you manage the pressures of leading nonprofits or being a community advocate, and what strategies or habits have you used to keep yourself grounded aside from just meditation?

Maira Carrier:

So I have a job with another nonprofit organization here in San Antonio, futuro, and I. It's a whole different space than my Ass Love and that was purposely why I chose it, because I needed that time and that space to not be in charge. I don't. I don't want to be in charge. I'm like I don't want to right now. I have to take a break. I have to go into a space where I feel like I'm learning, because when I feel like I'm learning, I feel like I'm being fed and I feel like, okay, I could grow, I could do more, I could use my voice. I feel empowered.

Maira Carrier:

But at Maya's Love, it was in charge and being the head of things and creating those relationships and sharing my story over and over and bonding with people over the, the trauma that happened over the same stuff. So really, a big thing that's helped me is finding spaces that are so different but still make up who I am, so and then choosing not to be in certain spaces because I know how triggering it is and I'm not ready to deal with that. So, for example, I we support veterans. For Veterans Day every year, we have a tradition where we donate over 1000 American flags to schools across Texas. So we do that, but that's as far as I go. With the military trauma, we partner with another nonprofit in California, but it's us supporting them. It's not so much of me being an advocate for military yet, and that's because after Vanessa Guillen a lot of things came up and I did advocate during those two years that we were advocating for Vanessa, but it took so much out of me to the point where I clearly identified like I'm not ready to go over my military trauma too. It was a great space and I love it, but I'm not ready to go over that specific stuff that happened that was so similar to Vanessa's case.

Maira Carrier:

And, um, I choose not to be fully involved with veteran mental health right now because I know what it comes with and I know what it does to myself. So that's one way. And then also for futuro, really understanding I sounds ugly, but not like know your role, but like to know I'm here as futuro, as this and whatever is needed for this, I, I will do. I can do more stuff, of course, if our boss asks us, because I, I can do it, I'm, I'm capable of it, but in this space, here, I am in my role and I'm here to enjoy my role and learning. So, having that supportive work environment to where they're like, hey, don't worry about it, like we got this, you don't even have to stress about this. It's so refreshing too.

Melissa Franklin:

Yeah, I love being part of Futuro as well as an advocate, and it's so funny that you say that, because people ask like, aren't you in a lot of stuff already? Yes, but I like being in those spaces but they're very similar, but I love them all and the team with futuro and just what it stands for. I I just love showing up in that space too, kind of, like you said, I don't need to worry about it, yeah, and trust that the people I'm in the building with all want to show up for the same reasons and I might not even have to think about it. I just have to go wave a flag. Gorgeous me like. Let me set up whatever checklist you want. You want to pass out cookies? I got it. What am I doing this time? But I know I still got to be a part of it and I didn't have to plan the whole thing.

Maira Carrier:

Yeah, it's so beautiful to be a part of that yeah, it's like like my brain could breathe and it doesn't feel like work, you know. And and then another thing too is I had to really, like I said in the beginning, I had to understand what relationships like a lot of people talk about toxic relationships that's not just a love relationship with a partner, with an intimate partner, but it's also could be your parents, our parents, friendships, parents, and for me, my biggest heartbreak is my mom and that, um, after many years and my decisions and in people's actions and stuff, I had to come to a space where I had to accept that in this lifetime I didn didn't get the mom that a little girl should have and that she's living her life and she's making her decisions as a grown woman and that's okay. And if she needs something in the future, my family's here and we're not ugly towards her. I just had to really create that boundary, but it came with a lot of years and a lot of disappointments to create that separation and that's why I'm very I don't have family in San Antonio, I don't have family. I have family in the Valley and we just got closer together because of the same trauma and separation of what she represented in our family and all of the three sisters had to grow up in their own, in their own life, and so we just got back together and it's been amazing and we really like all sat down to understand who our mom is and to make that decision that we're going to have a relationship outside of that too.

Maira Carrier:

So that's been a big big thing, a big part of me being able to be resilient, to know that not only do I have my military family that I could call, but I also have my blood family, and that made such a big impact for me and it changed a lot. Like I could call them and they'll show up. You know I'll be like hey, hey, can you come and help me do this? And they will show up because they've also been waiting for this to be the space again for us to grow together. So each of them have their relationship with my mom and each of us have our relationship with my mom, but I would say mine's the most distance and boundary.

Maira Carrier:

But I also think that that's because of the stuff I had to learn while I was away and get used to and understanding that I'm a big believer. Like in different things, I respect everybody's religion, but again. This lifetime it didn't happen, but I have to be able to accept that and know that maybe in another lifetime it will, and and just know that it's okay. It's okay, we don't. It doesn't have to be perfect in every space.

Melissa Franklin:

I think that's um something a lot of people struggle with, especially as we move forward. It's not a bad thing to say that we went through trauma. It's not a bad thing. My mom and I have a lot of discussions with that and that was a hard one. I don't think we squashed a lot of the arguments until my late twenties and then in my early thirties it was just understood like love you respect. You can only be around you so long before we're going to argue. But we have a really good relationship now to where we at least understand that.

Melissa Franklin:

I cannot be mad at you for what you didn't know back then yeah but I can still hold you responsible for how you're making me feel right now. Yeah, so that's been something that was progress in time and it took a really long time. It was a really big emotional challenge and just challenge in general because of the trauma I had been through, and then her having a face like she did her best, but shit still happened like it really did. Were there any moments where trauma or emotional trauma like challenges, seemed more challenging or overwhelming for you, and how did you find the strength to move forward through those times?

Maira Carrier:

The biggest thing is being a mom while not having a mom, and having a mom who's alive. But knowing that I don't have a mom has been the most challenging part, because our trauma was not only like like knowing that I know that mentally and she did the best she could, but after becoming a mom and seeing my own child and knowing that I wouldn't do make certain choices for for him I would not make certain choices and it doesn't matter that it's the the only thing you know, because at some point you know right from wrong and you're just making choices to, and I don't know how deep you want to get into it or if anything's triggering or anything but nothing's triggering or triggering triggering right.

Maira Carrier:

It's already causing like stuttering yeah, because she would make choices to like. She knew that we were sexually abused by our neighbor, by my little sister's dad, and she would buckle me in, purposely and, like it's a clear memory, buckle me. He would play this certain song and she would send me off with him and she knew what was happening, because I told her and it wasn't just one time, but she would do it and it was like now that I'm an adult and I look at things back, I'm like she was bribing me. You know it was always that's when I got her love before having to be sent out. So it's.

Maira Carrier:

There's a point and a very, very defined line to where I know that you did your best and what you were doing, but I also know that you're a woman and you made the choices that you did. And I don't even care if you admit it. I don't, I don't. There's nothing in my soul, I don't, I don't. There's nothing in my soul that would get a comfort and saying like I was wrong, I don't need it anymore, I'm past that, I'm okay, I forgive you, but there's rules and boundaries, and because I'm going to call you what you are and the decisions that you made and I'm going to put a defined label on it because you know what was happening then. I can't have that around my child. You cannot be around my son by yourself. You cannot and you will not.

Maira Carrier:

So for me it was a lot, of, a lot of that and becoming a mom and really like having my eyes open to that reality that I need. And Mother's Day is hard, holidays are hard, my birthday is hard. To know that it's Mother's Day and your own mom won't call you to even say anything and you didn't do anything. You're a child. It's tough.

Maira Carrier:

So that has been the biggest challenge of my life to become a mom and to see things and to grow up with no maternal instinct because we were left alone the whole time and because we didn't have a mom that loved on us or kissed us. We wouldn't get kissed, there was no physical anything. And to see that and still be able to project maternal instincts and to care and to love on not only my child but to love on multiple children unconditionally, to be there for them and their families. It doesn't fit in who I am. So that has been the biggest, biggest thing becoming a mom and and realizing that my own mom made decisions that brought us to where we are today, and she's only seen my son maybe like five times in his whole life, and he's eight years old and it's okay for me and yeah.

Melissa Franklin:

I appreciate you sharing so openly that one is definitely a tougher topic. I definitely did experience sexual molestation when I was a child as well. However, I was more shamed into hiding it from my mother. I didn't actually admit fully everything that was going on to my mother till I was an adult. Yeah, because I just kind of figured she knew. Yeah, he was looking the other way because certain things would happen. Yeah, um. So when we did have those conversations as an adult I can say she definitely tried to like well, I would have known and I would have done something like, but nothing happened. But I can't say that she purposely knew and put me in those so.

Maira Carrier:

I can only fathom what that would look like or what that feels like that's the lightest start of all oh, I'm sure, I'm sure if it came to a point where, like to even have to talk about it, I had to sit there again with myself and process it and feel like this was messed up. And I mean I went through a lot of different therapies, counselors, everything. The biggest thing that impacted me was doing EMDR. That was life changing for me. It was horrible after I did it the first time and it was like you were like a raw piece of steak that just been beat up and thrown on the wall and everything else. But it was after I did EMDR that I was able to process fully. Okay, now I know, now I remember certain things. Now I got it. What do I do with it? Right, because I'm not going to be stuck in this hole forever. Like, what do I do with it?

Melissa Franklin:

right, I love that. Um, before I transition to the next part, can you explain to our audience what EMDR is, in case they don't know?

Maira Carrier:

I don't know what it stands for. I know, um, but EMDR is. It's a form of therapy and there's two different sounds or two different focuses. That's audio and you sit there with the therapist and they talk about certain things that you've identified and we really go into it to explore and feel what's happening. So one thing for me was, you know, a memory of me being locked in the closet all the time. So I had to sit there during therapy and put myself as a little girl in the closet and process what I was feeling and feel that fear while the noises were going, while my therapist was talking, and really process it and understand. And during that time I was able to be like, okay, well, where was your mom during this time, where was this, what was happening around, to really be able to like find that closure for my feelings too. But it's it's basically like reliving the traumatic event, to be able to learn how to process it.

Melissa Franklin:

I know that it's. It kind of reminds me of a technique that's called Dianetics and it's really like an auditor talking you through the picture of it, Because a lot of it's more, we don't even remember the process and we have to kind of take ourselves through it. Tapping helped a lot for me.

Melissa Franklin:

Yeah, I did a lot of tapping gentle releasing and doing a lot of those. So I learned how to go through those processes and I do take some of my clients through that and explain the same thing. Hey, we're gonna have that at your next check-in. And since we're gonna do a gentle release, I need you to be sure that you get some rest. I need you to be sure that you're fully hydrated because you're going to be tired, like it does take a psychological part, sure, but the physiological part that it does is so crazy because you have to basically relive it and it's a lot and a lot of people might not realize that. Well, to close, I'd love for you to share some guidance with our listeners who might be facing different struggles. For some of our listeners who are dealing with trauma or emotional challenges, what advice would you give them to find their path and healing and resilience?

Maira Carrier:

Really check in with yourself and, especially whenever you're hurting the most or whenever you're at the top of the best of your performance, check in on yourself and check in and say, okay, am I, like I said, like process, why it is that you're doing this, why it is that you're feeling it? Because it's not just about identifying those depressing, sad moments but also what's made my brain feel so good at that time. Because if this makes me feel so good right now, then I can use it during these dark, dark times. So, really focusing in on all of those high and deep emotions, for sure I am a big advocate for therapy. There's different types of therapies and you don't have to go and go to a doctor. You can go and talk to your priest, go talk to your pastor, go talk to anybody and sit there and let somebody know and feel that there's somebody there for you.

Maira Carrier:

And that support system yeah that support system is key to be able to have that.

Melissa Franklin:

How can people support Maya's love and what difference does their support make for children that are experiencing trauma?

Maira Carrier:

Well, you can follow us on social media. On our website, check out everything that we've done throughout the communities, and we're always open to any volunteers that want to come in. We love hearing people's ideas, people's visions of what they went through and how they feel like they can impact the community. So we do a lot of small projects with community leaders to be able to have them make that difference in their own community. So we're always open to hearing everyone's ideas and to having people on the team to make that difference with us too. Love it.

Melissa Franklin:

Speaking of ideas, any final thoughts on resilience, the mental wellness and staying true to your mission even when things get difficult.

Maira Carrier:

Just check in on yourself, because the world is very crazy and the world is very changing and a lot of the times, for those people who are advocates, you're advocating because somewhere somehow in your heart you were affected or you were changed your life by somebody. So we are most often the ones that get that burnout and we're the first ones to feel that impact. So really check in on yourself and really know that you're not alone. Know that you're not alone and even if you have a group of 10 people telling you like, oh, you're doing too much, or you're thinking too much, or you're doing this or you're doing whatever, know that there's 20 more people that are feeling the same way as you, either helpless or hopeful. But there's more people and you're not by yourself and 10 are wrong or 10 are putting you in that situation where you fell down. There's 20 people who are ready to uplift you and who are ready to fight by your side to make that difference for you too.

Melissa Franklin:

I love that, Maira well, if you liked what Maira has to say today and you want to hear a little bit more, she's actually shared this with other business professionals. Uh, she came on to our last episode, so go ahead and check out the last episode to hear her talk with the Carlos de Leon. And then we also had the Egg Bowl that come on and we were talking about having leadership for long-term sustainability and as we move into that, we're going to be doing a series every single month um the fourth monday of every month. So go ahead and check out the show notes to go ahead and register for that zoom session. But like might, as talking about founders and the leaders are often the ones that are most forgotten. We forget to take care of ourselves. So it really is important, but it's been an honor to hear your story.

Melissa Franklin:

Thank you for all, for sharing so openly as always. I love the amazing work you do with Maya's Love. Passing out those flowers the other day with you guys, I was crying. I was just so grateful to be there. So thank you For those of you listening.

Melissa Franklin:

If you'd like to support Maya's or Maya's mission and actually check out Maya's Love, go ahead and check out the show notes so you can go ahead and get the links to their social media accounts and you can see how you can help make a difference in the lives of children that are facing emotional trauma or other individuals that they're reaching out to now. Thank you, maya, again for sharing your insights on resilience, trauma and the power of community. And, to our listeners, remember that resilience is within reach and every challenge you face can now lead to new growth. So until next time, stay strong and keep moving forward. We'll see you on the next episode of Structuring Chaotic Minds, thank you.

Melissa Franklin:

Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode. To catch up on the rest of the season, visit structuringchaoticmindscom or take a quick browse on your current app to see which episodes resonate with you. If you struggle with your own mental wellness or even just balancing life, we have a team of individuals at our site who can help. You can visit structureinnovationscom and find a coach or mentor fit for you. Thank you for joining me once again, melissa Franklin. No-transcript.

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